End of blogging hiatus.
I've recently taken to staring off into space, soaked deep into my thoughts. It's been irking Alan, actually.
That, and I've been unforgivably lazy.
Anyway, I'm back I'm back I'm back! and hugs all around...
Incidentally, I can count all my tabulas friends off one hand.
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Actually enjoying listening to The Purplechickens again. No, not that their music ever sucked. It's always been very good. And very intelligent. And I do love these guys, I do I do I do. However, the history between me and my ex hasn't always been all rosy, and he just happens to be like, the most prominent member of the band.
So as I was saying, it's nice to be able to hum and sing along ang take the songs for what they are now. No more bitterness, no more hatred, no more hang-ups about which song he wrote for whom. Such relief. In fairness, I'm really sure I wish him the best of everything now, sans the ellipses and nasty side remarks after.
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So what have I been up to lately?
Quite a lot, but I'll keep to oblique references wherever appropriate.
For one thing, the Perpetual Struggle has remained, well, perpetual. Sigh. This Indigo Girls song goes: "...the hardest to learn is the least complicated." Sometimes I think that's true, but other times it also feels like the hardest to learn are those we refuse to learn. May be applied in countless situations.
So it's Noelle battling her personal demons again. Aren't we all tired of that? Oh, I am afflicted with the harshest and most irresistible addictions. No mom, none of these are directly related to any illegal chemical or drug, although I can still be put down for substance abuse on an entirely different level.
Seriously, though, I have to give it to Alan for bearing with me during my bouts of PMS and regular "issue" episodes. I guess there's a lot I still fear right now. It's taking some time for me to learn how to accept the things I have no control over, as well as to act with stronger resolve and conviction during times when a choice needs to be made. Really, it's utterly stupid to keep placing oneself in situations where one knows oneself to be weak. Ergo: I can be utterly stupid. Does it hurt? Oh, I must have deserved it.
On the other hand, things are not as terrible as they seem. It's actually been quite an amazing life, I don't know what the heck I'm complaining for. I'm an emotional hypochondriac, that's what I am.
Still keeping my fantastic job, and, in fact, being more and more able to find my purpose and keep my focus profesionally. French lessons have been progressing pretty well, too. It's such a perk. Last Monday, I chanced upon a copy of Glamour magazine in French, in SM Cubao, of all places. Très bien!
Dance has been quite good, as well. The studio is about to see major changes, some of which are causing me a moderate level of apprehension, but which I hope will be better for everyone in the end. UP Dansa's mini-concert is coming up soon, on the 23rd of September, and I've been wracking my brains for the choreography of Cirque du Soleil's Stella Errans, and a streetjazz version of Sean Paul's We Be Burnin'. Exciting, definitely.
Exactly a week after UP Dansa's show, I'll be dancing in another recital. Ballet classes are progressing to the next level -- now, we actually get to perform onstage. This means going to Pasig thrice a week for ballet, plus longer hours for rehearsals. Michiko and I are still stuck in Year III Lesson 5 (thanks to frequent absences), but are quite excited about center pointe work. I really am bent on hitting my peak in 2007 or 2008, nothing later. Not getting any younger, you know. That clicking sound my hip joints often make is a blunt reminder.
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And whatta coincidence. Just when I decide it's time to go back to writing (no more delusions of winning that Palanca I've never tried for this time), opportunity knocks me in the head. The concept wasn't mine, but my modern ballet teacher Gerald Mercado's. No details yet for now, para surprise, but it at the very least promises to be an interesting process for the people involved. For one thing, writing a children's book never crossed my mind. Now all I can think about is a bright red balloon.
And when he mentioned Faith, he really struck a chord. Now that was the sign I never thought to ask for.
